Positive Affirmation

My name is Trevor

I think everyone needs positive affirmation in their life

I was on Facebook recently and I got annoyed and sad. It wasn’t the pages of advertisements. It wasn’t at the “Which Teenage Mutant Disney Doctor of the Galaxy character are you?” Quizzes that occasionally pollute my feed. To be honest, I’ve done a couple of those occasionally for a bit of a laugh (Apparently I’m Donatello, Scar, Fourth Doctor, Star Lord and as a bonus, Hoban Wash). Nor was it the endless commentary of the football final. I got both sides of every argument on mass. I don’t even follow the sport.

What annoyed me the most was a number of posts where people were passively or aggressively seeking attention and affirmation from others. These commonly came in two cases.

The first would often be along the lines: “Ugh, I’m so <insert negative quality>”. The desired effect is people disagreeing with the statement and giving them the positive affirmation that they need.

The second was a post more like: “You’re all my friends. You’re all special to me. If you’re my true friend, leave a one word post saying how we met.” Blah, blah, blah. To be honest these ones annoy me more, as they are using a negative feeling, in this case guilt, to get something positive from someone.

Right now you might be thinking “I could really do with some nice buttery popcorn. I can practically smell it.” Or possibly you might be wondering why I’m complaining about people seeking positive affirmation in their life. Especially since the second line of this post is: “I think everyone needs positive affirmation in their lives.”

It’s because these posts are lazy. They are created with the express purpose of other people doing all the work. They are also potentially slow burners and failed experiments. People won’t feel better until they get results from others, or could get unexpectedly hostile responses or worse yet, no response at all <sharp intake of breath>.

Positive affirmation is crucial in someone’s life. It helps to shape a person’s self worth, which often fuels their self confidence (two very different things). While I have been improving both, I possess a relatively low self worth, but an oddly high self confidence.

These thoughts came about recently from two friends of mine. For the first one, I made a joke that something positive that I did made me almost human. She stopped me mid conversation and told me that I was human. I started to explain that it was just an offhanded comment, something of a joke, but she repeated that I was human. As if she could see through my veil of humour to the core of truth beneath it.

Upon later reflection, my friend was right. My intention with that comment was to show that something I had done or said (I really can’t remember what it was), had increased my worth as a person. Helped me grow. Instead, with that flippant comment, I was downplaying my own existence. It’s funny that those words also undermine any comment or achievement that may have preceded it.

“Hey look, that monkey could write its name.”
“Big deal, I was doing that when I was five.”
“Yes but he’s only a monkey so that’s pretty amazing.”
“Fair enough,” and to the monkey: “who’s a clever monkey.”

The funny thing about this scenario, is that the monkey just received positive affirmation. That’s not exactly the kind of positive affirmation that we all need.

The second inspiration, I was visiting someone recently and as I left their place they said to me “We need to be kinder to ourselves.” My reply was, “yes you do.” They was right. We often spend far too much time looking out for the interests of those around us, but neglect ourselves.

Picture a number of concentric circles. You are at the centre circle. Those closest to you are in the next circle. Each circle representing people in your life. The further out you go, the less impact you have on their life and them on yours. Every group that you give positive affirmation to gets lighter, those that you don’t (and let’s be fair, not everything deserves it), get darker. The truth about this is that if you can’t give yourself the positive affirmation, every circle will have the darkness at its centre.

Everyone needs positive affirmation. The hardest place for this to come by is from yourself. It’s probably also the most important source of this resource. Who is going to believe the compliment from someone who has self proclaimed bad taste?

It is okay to accept that you are talented. It is okay to accept that you have abilities that others don’t. You can be better at some activities than others. It is okay to care about what happens to you.

This is being self involved, not self indulgent.

It’s no secret that my life has been difficult this last while. The fact that this post is late, due to me being in hospital is testament to that fact. It was, I think, my fifth hospitalisation this year. I’ve also had a few difficult moments.

Truth be told. Life isn’t easy. It’s not meant to be. A friend of mine often quotes: Trials breed perseverance, perseverance breeds character. I established in my last post that I’m growing for the better. I’m beginning to acknowledge this for myself, and share it with the world.

I’m happier for it.

I want you to be happy too.

I am posing a challenge to you. This is a multi part challenge that I have shamelessly stolen from other people’s posts on Facebook, sometimes modified them. Do them together, do them separately, it doesn’t matter. There are five parts to this challenge. 

1.  Name 5 characters (real or fictional) who have had a positive influence on your life
2. Find 4 quotes that help you positively define yourself.
3. Name 3 activities that you enjoy doing.
4. Find 2 photos where you like how you look (preferably not profile pics).
5. Find 1 positive fact about yourself.

If you take this challenge seriously, I guarantee that you will find a little positive affirmation in your life (even if only for a fleeting moment). If you feel that you want to share this with others, either through social media, or social interaction, by all means, do so. If not, that’s okay too. The whole point is that you do it for yourself. I will be sharing mine over the next five days.

I could really go for some popcorn.

My name is Trevor
I know the importance of positive affirmation.
It starts within yourself.